What is sex to you, and what do you want it to be?

Hi – a year later, I’m back – I can’t believe how many visitors this blog still gets even when it – I’m – basically inactive. To be honest, as I’ve always tried to be in this space, I’m not sure what it is I have to share about sexuality anymore, which is why I have not been posting or drawing much on the subject.

I am observing how in my own life and relationships things change, shift, and stay the same, but different. I’ve tried on different hats, different roles, different attitudes, and am still not sure exactly, clearly, who I am and what fits me best. It’s a process… but I’m writing, here, now, today, because just knowing there is an audience, by the visits, and the comments, makes me feel, humbly, that I wish to continue to share on the subject. I will post some more drawings, and write some more, but first, I’d like to share some very precious comments received from a male reader – a lovely insight into (a) male perspective on pornography that is quite enlightening for me, being of the female side of the species.

“I have noticed in my years of being a man that men — like women — have the potential to become scarred by their experiences.  When those experiences involve those of the other, unknown, mysterious sex — as they so commonly do — it’s possible to associate (and simplify) that giant group of people as source of pain, as a threat to one’s certainty and security in their world.  Unfortunately, our culture hasn’t aged much, and only prescribes solutions that further the divide between man and woman.  The masculine prescriptions tend to be disgustingly base.

 

Enlightened exceptions aside, pornography is an unhealthy outlet and is a reinforcement for the insecurities of man.  Here, humiliation and domination are used so often as to give a (false and malicious) sense of security, through power, to the observers.  “Weapon of repression” was a good choice of words (Love/Sex Confusion), but I gathered a psychological meaning from it.  Men repress their insecurities, and play upon them in so many different ways through various forms of pornography.  The satisfaction gained is insubstantial, and only serves as a deterrent from true growth and even as a reinforcement of the unhealthy gender and sexual roles we have inherited from our society.

 

I find myself in a time of incredible healing, and pornography and my issues with insecurity and the other sex are surprisingly relevant.  Stumbling across your site greatly helped in this process of healing, and I thank you for it.”

 

There’s more – which I will share later, but I am struck again by his mention of being in a time of great healing. I think this is the case for many, many people, in respect to their sexuality today – things are much more open, and permissive, which can go too far, but in the end, the pendulum swings back. What do you think… how do you see your vision of sexuality, love and connectedness changing?

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Tags: feelings, intimacy, love, monogamy, porn, pornography, relationships, sacred sex, sensuality, sex, sexuality